The birth, wow the birth, the birth the birth....
What an experience...
Professionals like to describe stages of birth in very clinical physical terms. This reflects how we try so hard to control and define birth. But birth cannot be controlled or defined.
For me there were three distinct spiritual stages, which I didn't control and I cannot define, but I can tell you my story...
The breathing through stage
The moaning stage and
The roaring stage
Each stage built in intensity and came with different feelings and sensations, both physical and emotional. Each change felt exactly like I had a choice of either taking the leap through a portal that would bring me closer to birthing or I could hold myself back and subsequently be dragged through the portal.
At each Portal I asked myself:
Do we need help?
I asked my baby if they needed help.
The answer was always 'no', and so I would leap!
The breathing through stage lasted the longest. Though the night I would be woken by the sensations. I wouldn't wake up entirely, but I'd be more conscious of my breathing and towards morning I started using my affirmation of 'I expand' and remained open to the divine which carried me through.
I actually managed to get up and dressed with the family so I could go to the chiropracter that morning, but I asked Costis to take the kids to school. Obviously he knew there was a chance he'd have to pick them up again pretty soon, but I needed some time to rest in quite, alone, to see if this was the real thing or if it would slow down now the sun was up.
After eating breakfast I went back to bed and continued to breath through. It was a sweet warm sensation of expansion and I enjoyed this time very much.
At some point I felt the baby make some big movements and shifts and I believe this is when my waters opened, but I didn't have the usual popping sensation.
After this shift, began the moaning stage and I knew it was not going to stop. I made the calls and sent the messages I needed to so Costis could pick up the kids, and my support team could make it over. I also called the chiropracter to cancel my appointment, which I think half terrified the secretary!
While I was pregnant I had considered whether I wanted anyone with me at all during birth, but I knew at this point I did, I really wanted the support of my husband and close friends and I was very happy to see them. They helped me to the toilet and started setting up the birth pool and answered the kids questions and helped them to support me.
I moved around a lot while in the bathroom, standing, sitting, straddling the toilet. I wanted to get in the shower but I didn't want to use up the hot water for the birth pool. I held onto Costis and hung off of him, at some point I told him to stop telling me to relax, I wanted to be told I was strong and I was doing a great job!
And at some point I came to another portal. I was trying to stay in the moaning phase, trying hard to hold onto my affirmations and open to the divine, but now it was time to connect to divine, not just conceptualise it. I asked myself and my baby if we were ready and if we needed any outside support. The answers were a clear 'yes' and 'no'. I was in the right place at the right time with the right people.
So, I dug deep into myself, I stepped through the portal, which was not easy. It ripped through my body and I roared with the intensity. I asked myself 'is this truly the route to the stars where I can collect the soul of my baby?'. The answer was a resounding 'Yes! do you think it's easy to go to the stars and collect a soul?'
So I simultaneously dug deep down into the roots of the earth, where my bodies expansive resources are held, and I sent my soul up into the outer reaches of the universe to find the soul that was ready to join us!
It was intense full of overwhelming sensations, but it's a journey that needed to be taken.
I wanted to get in the water, to feel the bouancy and support, but it was only half full and we were waiting for another tank to heat up. At some point it didn't matter, they was coming and I needed to feel the water around me. I managed to get down the stairs without birthing them, as my husband thought I might!
I lay down in the water and my body expanded to the worlds waters edges, now they could come out. After two surges their head was born, looking up at the stars they'd came from. Because the pool was only half full, I was almost laying down in the water, so I asked Costis to bring them up to me when they were born. Between the birth of their head and their body, a pressure both physical and mental were lifted, they would soon be here, there was a blissful silence and reverence for this new portal.
The next surge came and I felt them kick and wriggle inside me to make their way out. Costis tucked his fingers under their arms and brought them up and out of the water and onto my chest where they immediately started to announce their arrival. They were pink and full of life, so ready to be born.
I looked to see if we had another boy or a girl, I was overjoyed to find a little girl laying in my arms! Although my eldest son refused to believe it for at least five minutes.
I soon felt cold and mucky in the pool, which had a bit of blood and a big mecconium poop that she released as she was born. I got out and laid on the covered sofa, I was shivering from the adrenaline rush and I was covered in all the clean washing that had been hanging on the clothes horse behind the sofa. But I soon needed to re-emerge from where I was buried to birth my placenta. I squatted over a bowl and with one push it came away cleanly, a long cord, with a true knot and a big healthy, juicy placenta.
She fed for at least an hour, while I was also fed and watered. We weighed her, 4010g, and she promptly fell asleep for at least five hours. So I showered and dressed and relished in her lovliness while we spread the news to family and friends.